Almond Dirty Chai/
- August 20, 2020
Toni chats to her personal assistant to figure out if he’s right for the job. From coffee and food orders to admin and trivia, we’ll find out if Toni’s personal assistant lives up to what has been promised.
On today’s show:
- Meeting Toni’s personal assistant
- Zoë Foster Blake & Spotify playlists
- Competitions and email inboxes
- Trauma in relationships
- Toni’s coffee, muffin and Subway order
This podcast is produced by BIG MEDIA COMPANY.
Hello, welcome to one trick, Tony, a podcast where you can forget about all of your problems and think about mine instead. I'm Tony Lodge. This is Episode Three. And hopefully you're listening because you listened to episode one and Episode Two and thought, that's not as bad as I thought it was gonna be. So you've come back again. And the last two episodes, as you know, because you're a huge fan. I've had a fake producer boyfriend join me. So tobs has been here with this huge water bottle helping me out. And today we've got an interview a Mason, joining me. Hi, Mason. How you doing?
Good. Welcome. Thank you. So you're here because the podcast collaborators, they're not the bosses, but they've put you forward and I've decided that you might be good enough to do this job. Huh? Is that quite daunting for you?
Yeah, I mean, look, I haven't I haven't started off on the best foot. I forgot to bring you your cookies.
Yep. I noticed. There's nothing Yes. Yeah. And because we aren't in the same place. I was like, I was like, there's gonna be a knock on the door. Surely someone's gonna rock out with food for me. I've had to fill up my own water bottle. So, I don't know it's not going. It's not going great so far. But um, who are you?
Well, my name is Mason.
Ground. Yep. Hey, covering old ground. We've already said that.
I'm smashing it. I'm 20 years old. Yeah. And I mean, yeah, I mean, I hope a couple of other podcasts the daily talk show as well. I helped produce that. So cast collaborators.
Yep. podcast collaborative.
Yeah. So I help them with a few other things. But yeah, I mean, I'm now helping helping out on this and I'm very excited. If he
interview today i a quite nervous Do you feel nervous today? on the chopping block?
Yeah look the hot right is is up Yeah,
yeah I'm sweating too and I haven't even done anything takes me at least two walks of steps up to walks upstairs. Well there you go. I can't even I can't even talk. I'm sweating because I can't even think about what I need to say. I feel like getting nervous about a job is like because you don't want to fuck it up. You just like want to do a good job. And this is a huge opportunity. Obviously I'm a mess right episode three soon it's going to be Episode 300 we've got a plant a show plant over here. Say that that we put into grind? Yeah, it was. That was from Khaimah is a real? No, no, that's okay. Because Mother of pills. Obviously no one else can say is but it's a mother of pills and they're really hard to keep alive. I've bought like four of them. They've all fucking died. They've all died. You Plants behind you set a
Devil's IV. Is that real? Yeah.
Yeah, it is. Yep, that's a real one. I've actually got a lot of plants that I look after I probably got maybe I should plants. They're all doing pretty well
cuz I've just ordered some Devil's Ivy online. So obviously wearing locked down at the moment, we can't just pop down to Bunnings so I've had to order them online and get them delivered. And the plot was $8 but the delivery was like $18 how small
Yeah, I haven't got it yet. So it might be a scam.
Yeah, that's, that is very
well, it's coming from Queensland as well. And we're in Melbourne, so I actually don't know what it's like gonna be massacred and like, Oh, you know, actually my luck, it's gonna rock up and it's got like, one of those bugs that tries to cross the border and like, like a sugar cane plant or something and it like I'm gonna be about cane toad bring her in a cane, Todd. That was why I think,
yeah, you're gonna destroy an ecosystem. Why am I? what's the
what's the bug code? I need you to Google that place? Okay, hang on. Here we go. Ah, fuck me. It's not going well.
Yeah, tired. Queensland.
Um, and what's the there's because isn't there like a bug? A bug that comes on plants? No one knows. My fight producer boyfriend doesn't know my actual system doesn't know.
Yeah, I mean, the first article that comes up is turns out Melbourne isn't safe from cane toads
are not now because I'm bringing them into the sky. Yeah. That's already made the news and got it. Yeah. Well, I have a couple of questions to determine your character. So obviously we are all still getting to know each other, as in you and I, and all of the delicious people that are listening, including the two members of my family that will listen. And
yoga from Melissa. Yeah, amazing. We'll get to that later.
So, I will just say, this is the very first job interview I've ever had. I've never had to apply for a job and sit down in the interview. So it is,
well, this is the very name I've ever given. Really? Yeah. Okay, believe it or not, no one's ever trusted. And you know what? I didn't have to pay you. So that's how I was. I would have had to give you some of my kind of the millions of dollars that I'm making from this. Yeah, it's a big call. Yeah. 50% of nothing is nothing. Okay, first a hard hitting a hard hitting question. Okay. like tomato sauce or barbecue sauce,
Okay, you're actually out
just like that the first question
I love so I had
Mac is the other day I I got chicken nuggets for lunch on Friday last week. And so I have never had the sweet and sour sauce from MCAS before
oh my god yes.
And it was it was so young.
See I am tomato sauce person through and through. But I would never put it on nuggets. Like I would never get nuggets from macros and be like can I have ketchup? I would ask for Big Mac sauce.
I've heard a couple things about what is Big Mac sauce
What the fuck you've never had a Big Mac
no real like I'm not I'm not a massive Mac is
well it's delicious sauce that's like mayonnaise with like deal and like pickle brine in it. So it's like delicious and salty. And actually there's like a Kohl's Jew perverts called special burger sauce and you can buy it it's like $2 for a bottle autunno and then and you just get it and then you just squeeze it on everything. You could put it on your cereal if you want it. I don't like cereal though, because I always go soggy. But I would never ever go through the drive thru and be like, could I have ketchup with my nuggets? I ate nuggets with no sauce. Is that weird?
No, I reckon that's my girlfriend did the same thing.
Oh, you girlfriend, girlfriend. You go from me? Miko I've had enough. You're fine. You like barbecue sauce. me get it. You've got a girlfriend, Kitty. But we do get it. You're gonna have to write it in. Just kidding. Okay. And this is This question comes from a personal dilemma that I'm having currently, I use a playlist mica or are you like a hit shuffle on all the music that you like.
I'm Irish. I'm a shuffle guy. Yeah, but also Spotify. You know how Spotify automatically generates like your daily mix?
Yep. I'm a big fan of those not saying you make new music makes me anxious. Like yet so if things come on that I don't know, I just will freak out. Like if I'm in the car and something starts playing the I don't know. I just will be like, I'm not ready for new music I have to like really psych myself up. So like, the lyrics Yeah, but even like an artist that I really liked, like say, like Benny, the kiwi artists like if she had new music, I would be like, Oh, I need to work myself into that like I'm not ready yet. Like I I just I need to be prepared and if music just comes on willy nilly, it's like if you don't have repeat selected that it repeats at the end of the playlist or album or whatever it like stops playing the radio off of that music like I don't want that. I don't want to listen to a j flip song and then some other female rapper comes on Like he has Alia starts playing I'm not prepared.
Yeah, yeah, it's it's very risky.
I can't do it. But I would like to be someone that curates a playlist for a situation. You know, is it possible like of course, do you know Nydia? I love her. Ba she's so great. She's amazing. And I follow her religiously on socials. She is like a playlist curator for every situation. Like, if you look at her Spotify, it's like Friday afternoon drinks Friday afternoon with kids Sunday morning with kids Sunday morning when we're eating pancakes and we're wearing a red top and it's September. Like she's got something for everything. And I just can't be that guy. Because I feel like if I made one playlist, they'd all be really quite similar.
Yeah. Is your Spotify playlist public? Is your profile public?
I don't know. How do you tell?
Oh, here we go. Hang on. Let me set you up on Spotify
because it's all yours. It's like all all music full of like we've for musicals and stuff
because my my playlists like I haven't made it okay is it is one of them worship is that one of your playlists?
No that's not me. Okay. Okay great that seems
to spirit that is that is quite spiritual I've just found one called the blessing
Oh worship in the blessing I'm like this disgusting crass person but in my private time I listened to
reach heaven is another
oh no oh yeah that is me yeah reach heaven oh that was mine but I really want to be that guy but I just can't because you have to work really hard at a curated playlist like one of my friends from work Alex. He's like one of my closest friends and he is a playlist curator like he will work and like mould a playlist for months before he like puts it on public on his thing. And then he like share it on Instagram. Be like Like he's my next pilot. I'm like, I wouldn't have the confidence. Even if someone jumps in my car I'm like, who knows what's gonna play? Is it gonna be the national or is it gonna be Britney Spears? Or is it gonna be something from Lima sahab?
Say very, right pronunciation.
you. It's the only thing that I can do. But then what do you do like people judge you, people judge you because you've got shit taste in music, but it's just because all the things applying together. It's like a horrible mishmash of all of the shit that you've like, come across once and going like Oh, I like that. So you give it a heart and then all of a sudden you're pressing shuffle and you're on a road trip and then you know, Gregorian monks chant starts playing because you will with your friends once and you're like, that's so good. And then you liked it and then it comes on again.
Yeah, there's so much pressure in picking the music. I hate it.
I can't do it. I literally will not do it. If I'm at a party or people are at my house under normal circumstances when we can have people over I will be like someone else. He's the UAE boom. We don't have a UAE boom, actually, it's a JBL brand. But you a boom people understand what it is. Yeah. So you have to like lie about what it is. It's like if I had a Huawei phone, I'd be like, Oh, where's my iPhone, but it's not an iPhone. That's not that's not interesting. Okay, so you're, you're a shuffle Ah, which I am also so it doesn't necessarily make us a bad match. But it's not great because there are no certain benefits because we're both trash. Yeah. You're going to be handling a lot of my personal effects. Are you good at admin?
it's it's something that I've I reckon I've come a long way in the past.
How long would you say you are? 2020? I was I don't think I was good at admin when I was 20.
I'm inbox zero at the moment. No AML accounts which I that's a good start.
Yeah, mine's 4100. nanti got it. Oh my God got in front of me.
That's a lot. Well, what? What's your app in life? Like? Is there much like what's what's happening? What do I need to?
Well, I mean this, this 4000 emails, that's an issue. That's not your issue necessarily, but that is an issue. And well, last week I talked about on the podcast which you should know if you've been fucking listening if you haven't been listening pauses and listen to the other ones first one trick Tony, it's everywhere. You would know that I talked about like OCD triggers and anxiety that I have. And one of the things that I actually realised in the last week that I've really been struggling with is like a cluttered mind from like having like, you know, when you have a messy house or your your rooms really untidy and you just feel like you can't, like straighten out your thoughts because there's just so much shit in your brain. Yeah, well, I realised that one of my anxiety triggers is my emails. It's because I enter every competition that I say,
Oh, no. Yeah.
So if I'm online, which is all the time because I'm 26 I will enter competition. Like, I'll be scrolling through Instagram, it'll be like, do you want to win a jacket wardrobe with $500 for you and your best friend, don't be like, yeah, bad job, my best friends, of course, I'm going to enter that. I'll sign up to the newsletter. And then if my boyfriend says, Oh, I really want to win this synth, or fucking whatever. I'll be like, oh, yep, I'll sign up to that. And then I'll add it to my Facebook and I'll like the page on Instagram or whatever the thing is, and then I have ended up with meal thousands of fucking chain, not chain emails. That's the thing. Like this. Oh, you'll have bad luck in LA for 10 years. What's a cold mailing list? I have all these mailing lists that I'm proud of, because I've applied for a competition enter the competition at some point.
And here's a woman No,
I've never fought. One anything, but I just end to things because I am a fucking poor loser. I just want to win something.
So you want one of our family friends, they they did the exact same thing.
What they just entered every competition. Yeah, they want a car. Fuck who wins a car?
They want a Toyota Yaris.
That's the common I've got this. There's got to be serendipity there. Maybe I should keep entering competitions. But don't you think that if someone said to you like, I've just want a car, it doesn't sound real. It sounds like a competition that you've seen online or heard on the radio and being like, yeah, cool. Now if you want to win a car, but you're like, No, I'm into fucking cars. Except, disclaimer, I work in radio, so I can't actually say that because it's not true people people stop that it's not some conspiracy like people do when the shit it's, it just sounds like you would never bump into someone that went Yeah, I actually want 20 mil on Powerball the other way click. Does that happen? And I do that as well. I always buy a lotto ticket. I'm a sucker. I'm a sucker. Yep. Yeah. So now I'm actually trying to work to earn money and it's not working. It's going terribly wrong. Anyway, so I've tried to clear out my inbox to clear out my, my ci, and it hasn't obviously work because I've got 4000 emails. But you know, are you better at admin than me? Or you can say, hey, Tony, I really want to win this car. Can you sign up with your agent?
How many of those emails Could you just Command A and just archive? But oh, you can archive? Oh, my God, I have you never. Do you delete them? Yeah, I just delete them. Oh, my God. What is this little archive function that you can just sort of set it deleting them when it moves it to trash and move them to an archive policy. You've always got that them you can search and find them
but I don't need that. Oh Hang on. But then are they still because you know how the number comes up because if you haven't read it does it say that it's red?
It marks it as red so it takes down that number so you will have all those what 42,000 4000 4190 4191 actually I've just gotten a new one yeah it's annoying that you just archive more and then that it make that number zero or just archive 4900 4100 and
you're good at admin but terrible at Reiko
I was close Yeah.
So I should archive will say this doesn't take against your nightmare, I reckon, because I didn't know that you could do that.
Yeah, there's this little hack.
Yeah, right hack. Oh, I've got a hack a lot. The other day I ordered hungry Jack's from the Uber Eats app, not an influencer paid in full actually. Soon you might be paying in full. If you order a 12 packet of nuggets, it costs an amount of money. But if you order two packets of six nuggets, it's actually five cents cheaper. So you end up with the same amount of nuggets. Really five cents off.
Yeah good Mac is nuggets, or hungry Jack's. Oh, I
see the hungry Jack's nuggets that used to be crumbed which is delicious. Like I love a crumbed nugget and obviously the McDonald's nuggets a tempura. So for anybody that doesn't know what that means you're disgusting and you need to learn more about food like watch monster chef or something. But because temper nuggets like the Japanese Baba, like the ones that you get at macizo, like fully coated, and the hungry Jack's ones are like that now, but they used to be crumbed like when you buy really cheap nuggets of frozen from calls. You know the ones that you cook in the oven or an air fryer. I don't have any friar but I imagined right Zoe foster Blake just got one. So let's talk about Harrigan I just got an air fryer. Oh, my God, I just want to be so bad. Let me call on the competition to Winslow foster Blake's life. But they used to be crumbed so now I'm really at a loss but the other day when I did get hungry Jacks they were better than they used to be because they used to be calmed then they turned to shit. But now they go out again, and I don't really know what what was the question?
Which Mac is all hungry jack? Should I go for?
Well, you know what, you're gonna fuck him anyway, cuz you got to put barbecue sauce. I love that we ended up on nuggets after Are you good at admin? Well, I actually had a story about the admin that I pay for my private health insurance isn't a good story. I pay for my private health insurance and just recently, my boyfriend was about to turn 31. And that means that you've got to pay extra on your
Yeah, it's like a mini kit
yet like em levy Yeah, hospital, the hospital levy and you pay like an extra 10% a year or something ridiculous anyway, I don't really understand it. But everyone at work said make sure that he gets private health before he turns 31 literally the day before I signed up, and you're going through all the nested menus on medibank private and I'm like, yep, press three to talk to someone, then you enter your number. And then you press four to go to this thing. And then you'd press five to go to this thing. Then you press one to make sure that you get put on hold and talk to a team member. And after like the ninth menu, it was like, press five. If you would like to view your work, what was it like? what's covered on your hospital cover? Like if you're on your way to a hospital and you need to know what's covered. Now it's like well, you been on the phone for fucking 10 minutes so if you're waiting to find out if you could go to the hospital because it was covered or not. You did Yeah, for sure. You mentioned that you like, really? Yeah, I talked Oh, I don't know if it's covered like a better cold than dead. Luckily, that's why I was free. And we also have universal health care here. So you wouldn't die, you'd be fine. But imagine how out of out of pocket you would be. Yeah, not
I told you that wasn't a good story. Let's move on. So we covered admin. Are you a list writer, like so if I say, oh, maybe I need you to do X, Y, and Zed, which is never going to happen, because I'm obviously not organised enough to think about three things. But, uh, you're gonna write them down. Are you starting a Google Doc? Like, what are you gonna do?
Yeah, no, I love a digitalist a lot. So I mean, I'm in a sauna that like, not at this present moment, but I don't know what that is. Asana is like a project management tool. And and so it's like a like, like, Trello Yeah, so it's like a to do list where you can check them off and see I really Get in there and I got I have a little brain dump section where I just dump them all.
So you like write all the things in and then you like, my schedule.
Oh my god that's actually like porn. Yeah and I sold out all my documents Oh, like that's what it felt like was gonna happen like you were talking to me about being organised just then
I got the lists.
I'm like an OCD well part of OCD, I guess, like my lists are very specific. So if I'm doing the shopping on one side of the list, so it has to be a piece of paper that's like a rectangle. It can't be like a square from a notebook. It has to be like a long rectangle. And on one side, I'll write down all the things that I'm going to cook and then on the other side, it'll be like broken up into sections from the shop. So Top lifts will always be everything from fruit and vege. So if I'm going to the market beforehand, it will all be in that section. Or if I'm just going to the fruit and vege section at Kohl's, I have to get it all from that section. And then below that will be all the dry goods for example, if I need things for, like if I need curry paste or tomato paste or dry pasta or naan bread, or like corn chips from the Mexican area like that will be there. And then there'll be another section for like minced garlic or spices that I need. And then the top right will be milk and yoghurt and cheese. And then in the middle, right it will be all of my mate so if I need like fish or steak or whatever, and then at the bottom right at the very bottom, it will be anything auxilary like if I need tampons, or now polish remover or anything like that. That will be at the very bottom right.
gosh, yeah, it's very, very specific. And then when I've actually done my shopping I pull up to the checkout chick and I'm like, Hey girl, and then by like, we'll put things onto the conveyable
in that order lightly so it gets in your bag.
Yes. So all of the all of my fresh fruit and vege all goes on together. And so even if it's like Higgledy Piggledy in my trolley, everything all my fruit and veg on together all my Steichen mate all on together, then my milk and my dairy all together then my dry goods, canned goods all together. Yeah, wow, with the space. So like, I'll put it up and then I'll wait a second until the conveyor belt moves. And then I'll like start lining up the next like section of food. And then I wait again for a little gap.
Oh my god, yeah,
my frake Wow, that's so good. But it
really fucks me off because oftentimes they don't actually care about how they
just go straight through.
You just put it straight in.
I don't get what are you doing a self checkout?
self checkout, it's a bit different because you can often you can sort it by site because you've only got like a couple of things in a basket. So I know that I've got three eco bags and I know exactly what's going to go in each eco bag. And I'd rather do it by myself than someone else helped me. So I've tobes My boyfriend is with me, I'll be like, Fuck off. Just let me do it. Because then I know that my eggs aren't gonna get broken. I know that my breads not gonna get squashed. And I know that x y Zed can't possibly go wrong because I've got it organised. And you should always have your flybys card on your phone and have your cards on your phones that you don't have to fuck around in your purse slash bag. Oh, that pisses me off. Yeah, that pisses me off too. Unbelievable. Oh, and then speaking of lease the other day, so talking about the de cluttering of the mind. I said to tobs ik like, I'm going to clean the house today. This is on Saturday. He was like, okay, like Yep, so what do you want to get cleaned, and I like turned around. grabbed my notebook, he was like, you've written a list. Like Of course you have like, why'd Did I ask you when I know that you're about to hand me this list. It's got to stop. And I had like, kitchen drawers, benches, splashback appliances, and then I had like bedroom. drawers flows, clean the sheets. And then I had like, bathroom, clear of the sink. Do the toilet do the shower, like clean out towels? Like That is how I like breakup. I can post a photo of this on Instagram. I can like wow, yeah, I like will break everything up. But because I like to look at it like clean Brian. I can look at what because if I just like spew it onto a page, then it's easy to understand, huh?
does such a great solution. No, I think that's great.
So if anybody Tony's cleaning tips might be that will help someone. But Yep, I'm I'm such a loose rider. So it really gets me going that you've said that you'll also lose stride because it means that we'll we'll get along right Don't get cocky though. Next question. Hmm. Oh, do you like to re watch the same TV over and over again? Or can you just put anything on? This is a bit similar to the Spotify thing. So if you just can listen to any music, your daily mix, maybe it doesn't matter what you watch on TV, how do you feel about that?
No, I'm very, very particular with what I watch.
Okay, what are you watching at the moment?
So Well, I said last night, we we sat down as a family and watch The Bachelor bachelor in Paradise,
because I was still live at home. Yeah, still live at home with the family. So is that your mom and dad and you do you have any brothers and sisters?
Two, two brothers. One older one younger, and then I've also my girlfriend's also living with us at the moment. Oh,
so she's from Perth, right?
She's from Perth. Hi,
Grace. I know you're listening. Yes, I'm good. How are you? I know We have to catch up so in so long Yeah, so she is from Perth. So she came over here like before all this shit went down right so she like trapped here or was she or was she planning on staying for a long time or what was the plan?
So she says she's moved permanently so she's living in Melbourne now but yeah she cuz who has locked their borders yeah can actually get back in so she she couldn't really should have to apply for an exemption to get back in
so but was that the plan or was she not like or was she gonna move this whole time?
No that was suppose she was gonna move
over here everything I thought she'd come for a visit and she was like, yeah, Mason, I'll stay with you and your family and then like she got stuck here because all of my family's in Wi Fi and I was thinking about I was like, Oh my god, maybe she wasn't like, fuck Mason. I don't really like you that much, but I'm actually fucked and I can't tell so
yeah we'll be annoyed now but she's she's here permanently she's living here. So that's that's so exciting.
Have you traumatised each other? Because this is this is like your first serious relationship right?
Yeah And we'd never met before she moved.
So how did you make that online?
Yes through so she she listens to the the other podcasts that I work on and so she she's she's running
the podcast collaborators
from the podcast collaborators. Yep. And so she she listened to that and then and then we just sort of started talking and then FaceTime and then after a couple of months if I saw me she she made the move to Melbourne and she's she's staying here
oh my god. Have you traumatise each other yet though? Like for real? Like
we've it's very surprised. We're actually very, very good with each other. Like I think it's it's a surprise. I think that that have worked for a lot of people that wouldn't work just moving and not ever meeting them before and then yeah, going for a week away the first time You made each other like it's it's worked so well we're just yeah we're so good. Does she
is she like really missing her family though at the moment?
Yeah, family friends and just be able to go out with them. Yeah restrictions like
Well, like I said, like my family and friends are all like so I'm from why all of my family and friends are there. And it sucks because at the moment in Melbourne like we can't leave the house, we can't do anything. But you're watching all of your friends back home like they can go out and like have parties and like get married and all of that and here we are like sitting in our house with fucking mosque acne and weight loss. Yeah, that must be really hard. I asked about the traumatising thing because I was thinking about you the other day. Obviously I plan the show Obama fucking self because you haven't been hard yet. Just kidding. And I thought about not long after Toby and I started going out together and I shot myself in front of him.
So I is pretty funny, actually. So I was working at Kohl's at the time was when I was still at uni. And that's how we met. We went to uni to get up. And I got like, really came down with something and I was living with my dad. So I was still living at home. And, and I said towards like, I'm really sick, like I've left work, I'm gonna go home and he was like, I and my dad was working away. And Tom said, I will come over and look after you like, I'll bring you some food. Like I'll make sure you're okay. He's like, I'm gonna catch the train to you like, are you okay to just like, peeking out from the train station. And the train sesh at that point was like 15 a really fast 15 minute drive like I could do it in 15 but not legally. Showers like, I was like, Okay, I can come and pick you up from the station, but law I don't think it's gonna be good. And anyway, I like stayed at home for as long as I could and he was like, cool. I'm gonna Be there in 15 minutes. How's Faraj gonna go? So I've been throwing my guts up at home. And I jumped in the car and I just was wearing like, a really loose dress because I was feeling so sick. I had a favour was awful. And I drove down there and he jumped in the car and I was all good. I was I was fine. I'd gone all the way there. I'm like, swishing. I got there. He jumped in the car. He was like, sweetie, like you okay? And I was like, Oh, I don't feel very well. And I turned away from him. I like through the door open, and I threw up out of the car like into the car park onto the ground. And at the same time, as I threw up, I shot myself in the car, just just onto the seat, because all I was wearing was the dress because I felt so sick. And I was hanging out of the door. And I looked generals like who Michael and tobes looked at me and he rubbed my back and he was like, I know Sweeney, I know. And I had to drive all the way home. So I'm sitting in my shed, he was like, right, we've got to get some stuff from the shop site to make sure that you're okay. So we don't have to go out again. And so we're like waiting at the shops and he went in and I'm just like, sitting in a pool of my diarrhoea, isn't it's revolting. And we literally we'd been going out together officially, like we'd been like seeing each other for a while, but we'd been going out officially for two months. And it was the day like a week before my 21st birthday. And so we were like getting excited because we were going to like party. And Yep, I shot out in front of him in my car. And then he cleaned my car out and washed all my clothes. That's true love. That's what love is. I agree. So at least if you guys do traumatising. Java, like you, you might find out that you're the right you're right for each other because that's what happened to me. We've true love was one diarrhoea away.
Yeah, that's a lot. Do you wanna hear another story though? Yeah, yeah, love shitstorm Um, so everyone's like, I hate this. So in our apartment where we live at the moment we've got it's like two bedroom one bathroom. And when I add an old job worked in one of the guys he is Chinese and his family is like super into cooking super into food and he taught us how to make dumplings, like proper dumpling so we make them all the time and tubs nigh like this is quite recently actually. We made these really spicy dumplings with like habanero chillies like Polk mints and ginger and Gali, la fucking amazing. That was so spicy. And the next day we both ate and live 40 dumplings each or something revolting. Lightwave actual rolling out of the door of the house, and I was like, I don't feel very well, I've eaten way too much Chilean tubes. It's like, I actually feel fine. Like, I feel pretty good. And I was like, my tummy is so crappy, like something terrible is about to happen. And anyway, I went to the bathroom and I was like, I'm really not well, and he was like, I'm actually great. Like, I don't know why this is he used so badly. And then five minutes later, he like walks over to the bathroom. He's like, Tony, are you gonna be long? And I was like, why? He's like, okay, I don't mean to alarm you. But what's hit you was about to hit me. And I need you to get off the toilet. And I was like, I can't do anything about this right now. And he was like, Whoa, but I'm telling you that you need to get off the toilet. And like I said, One bought one bathroom. So we've got a shower and a toilet. And I was like, I looked at him and I was like, Look, I love you. I will go in the shower. And so our bathroom is like shower with a glass screen door and the toilets right next to it. So you can see everything. And you yep and that's what happened and because I was like well I love you and you cleaned up my diarrhoea so I'm Is this too grim should we stay right and I was sitting while sitting like squatting in the shower and both of us and I was just like don't fucking look at me like I just and I go out the water running so that like it wasn't you know stagnant give us like shit lesion is it was it was it was atrocious like it was the worst thing ever. But if we can get through that I feel like we can get any get through anything
off for sure.
But yes, I that's why I asked if you've traumatised a child because isn't that just two horrendous stories
Yeah, that's they are a lot. Yeah.
Yeah. I do think that people have stopped listening. Yeah. Okay. Silence is deafening. Great. Okay. Next question. Oh, what is your rating system? For example, I would say so if I was like, oh, how was that? Like, oh, yeah, that was good. Would you consider good to be like, five out of 10? six out of 10? Six, six, so good. So it's better than average. So average, five, but I would consider average, like a three, because I'd be like, Oh, that's a bit average.
And if you said to me that something was good. I'd be like, Oh, that's just fine and finds not good. Yeah, that doesn't make any sense. So if you will like that. Good. I'd be like, Oh, that's not great.
Sure. And so if you would have recommend something, where would it be on the scale for you to have to recommend it in a public place on a public forum?
Oh, okay. So if I was saying like, oh, I've just read this book. Yeah. And I think that you should read it. Um, I'm pretty willy nilly with recommendations. Actually. I'm a bit of a frightful law. I don't think that that's an appropriate expression for that situation. yet. No, I like I don't have to love something to tell people about it. Is that bad? Do you think I've got that if people like, Oh, is that movie good? I'm like, yeah, and then I just like, let people watch it. I'm like, Oh, yeah, I watched this movie the other day. Oh, okay. Mike. Yeah, it was
Um, I mean, this podcast,
what would you say? Oh, 10.
Yeah, which I'd say is amazing. Yeah. But I also i freely throw around amazing like you. Like, actually, actually, I texted you before we started recording this. And I said, amazing. You were like, cool. I'll see you in five minutes. And I said, amazing.
I do the same thing.
Yeah, I'm like a real hyperbole person. I just, like get so excited. And I just want people to know how excited I am because I am so enthusiastic. So I want other people to feel my enthusiasm, like in their bones. And so when I'm like, Oh my god, amazing. Someone could be like, oh, like, he's, he's a receipt. And I'd be like, amazing.
Yeah, thank you. I do the same thing. It's like someone might text or might just five minutes, five minutes away running like, Oh, yeah, amazing.
Yeah. And that's exactly what I did to today. Like, that's not amazing. It's not like amazing news. That's like, that's fine. But yeah, I just I will throw that around. So you can be like, oh, Tony, like, I'm running really light and I've spilled your coffee on the ground and a dog bit me so I've actually got to go to the hospital. I've got a call medibank private about what's covered so that's going to take me an extra five minutes, and I'm not coming in at all and also your podcast has been cancelled and I'd be like, amazing. Which is just like not an appropriate response. Yeah that's not
that's that's not the same thing with perfect as well. I do
it with no I do perfect as well. I perfect. Yeah, guilty. Guilty. Bad baked. Yeah, I also still say okie dokie. Like, not ironically, like, someone will be like, oh, I've done this. Okie dokie like,
sounds like you're taking the picture.
But I don't know if anybody still says okie dokie. But I'm like right in there with an okie dokie. Like it actually it auto corrects in my phone. Like you are right, okay, it'll come up. Okay. And then as soon to be followed with a dokie like it just comes out of my phone. The phone knows.
Well, that was perfect.
Okay, I have a scenario before you. So we've gotten to know each other. I feel like you know, the blood is pumping through the relationship. Okay, the first meeting that we had regarding this podcast.
You bought me a coffee.
You went and got me a coffee. What do you want elaborate? You went with the collaborators. I don't think I did. I think he did. I don't
know that. This is not me. I didn't do this.
Okay, well, there was quite extensive chat around my coffee order, because it's a bit wonky.
What's your coffee? So now fionna is a long Mac top up tops top a long Mac topped now one thing but like that's a strong lotta so what's what's your
well no he was supposed to know and that's a fucking strike I can't believe that you can't remember there was extensive chat around my coffee order
because it's shit and remember it yeah well that's not good
that's good stuff
yeah it's not let me show you okay not impressed by that
what can I know for next time give
a guess what do you
what do you think of my bait? Okay so soy or almond I reckon
amen It you're gonna have hot chocolate on a bit of sprinkle chocolate on the top. No,
no, you wouldn't put chocolate on this drink. Okay? He would sprinkle something. But he wouldn't be chocolate.
Which I'm not a massive coffee guy. I don't drink any coffee. I've when I go to get a coffee it's always a hot chocolate.
That's very cute. But no, I don't get I can't honestly I thought that you would 100% be able to remember and you've totally fucked my gag because I was like there's no way he's gonna forget there was so much that an almond dirty Chai.
So it's almond dirty.
So it's a chai latte with a shot of espresso in it with almond milk.
Okay, and and dirty Chai
Yeah. And now everybody that's listening to this is going to hate me because I've berated you for not knowing my order and they're also going to be like, what a shade coffee order. That's not a good order when you go and get a coffee and almond milk always so much more expensive, but so delicious. And you would you would put cinnamon on top of that you wouldn't put your suit on. Yeah. Well, that that hasn't gone well. All right, you got to get me in coffee, of which the order you've remembered this time. There's three types of muffins. There's a raspberry and white chocolate muffin. There's an orange and poppy seed muffin. And there's a chocolate chip muffin. Ah, which one? Which one would you pick?
has to be
was well, so it's not it's not the? It's not the puppy safe one. That's for sure. Orange and puppy. Sade? Absolutely not.
Raspberry and white chocolate.
You could recommend we're just gonna go with the choc chip on the last one.
Okay, well, you're absolutely wrong because it would be the orange and puppy sate would it? Yeah, it was a red herring. Ah Yep. Daya such a moist muffin sorry for saying the word moist. I also moist and buttery. They're like amazing muffins. What about a blueberry muffin? Well, that wasn't on the list.
Okay, but do you do you like them?
I don't know if I've ever really had a blueberry muffin. I like a rice brandwatch chocolate because it's like really taught from the raspberries but like, nice and sweet from the chocolate but i don't i
and a chocolate chip muffin. Yuck.
Spicy too basic. Yeah,
they're always dry. I feel like the chocolate. Feels like it doesn't have to work very hard. Because it's chocolate. Like there's no effort put in by the chocolate the chocolates not trying because it's like well, I'm chocolate people are gonna peek me and they look at you. You're an idiot. You just said like, yeah, we'll get the chocolate chip. It doesn't have to be good because he will have what's called chocolate and like it's probably the last chance but it's not It's average at best
you've upset me
myself up over the month.
Well saying is the coffee order went so terribly. Maybe I shouldn't do this next one. But the last question was, what would my subway order be? What would I get on my subway? Ah
okay, we'll start with the brace start with a bread.
I'm gonna go Italian herbs and spices
nice. You need now that Yeah, that's right.
Yeah. Now do we go with like a
Do you want to get the feeling?
Yeah, yeah, I was just wondering if it's gonna be like a. I feel like maypoles is too basic. And so you're probably looking at something like a get cheated. avvocato
the chicken you're on the right track with the chicken
that I got I got the chicken fill it. Chicken fill it I can What do you got? What do you got? You write about the meatballs being a bit too basic?
Well I mean I haven't been to subway in ages because the one the one near my place closed down.
Oh my god restroom pace. Yes, it's it's not good.
Oh, but i mean i would i was gonna go I'd be meatballs with lots of Swiss cheese.
Oh, that's not what I would have picked for you. Really? What would it? Actually I don't know that well but Swiss cheese That's a hard one. It's a hard one to get right it's not I feel Swiss cheese. Yeah, but you cry. It's one of those things like you always get the exact same thing. Like I'll always go in there. Tyne hubs and chase chicken phila cheddar cheese lettuce. tomato, cucumber, pickles and heaps mayonnaise. No salt and pepper.
Yep. Okay. It's like a really boring sandwich but you get the same thing. Whereas like a place like KFC, you don't always order the same thing.
Yeah, cuz sometimes that's wrong.
Yeah. Because sometimes you feel like a burger, but then sometimes you're like, oh, maybe I get a rap. Well, sometimes you just like want the beats of chicken.
Yeah. What about what about Nando's when you go to Nando's? Not really Nando's pissed.
unpopular opinion. I think Nando's is shit.
Really? Oh, yeah, I like grilled. I love grilled.
I don't I probably don't always get the same thing at grilled either. Really? No, I don't think so. I couldn't even tell you the last thing that I ordered from grilled. I think it was probably a Zen hen. Is that the one with baked chicken? Yeah, I think I'd get that with an ad break which is is a costly exercise but it's damn with it.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, well
Wait wait got there. I feel like you did a really good job pop from muffin. You really shot the bed but that's okay. Okay, wow, we're really creeping up in time. I also had some work related performance tests for you. Okay. What year was the Sydney Olympics?
Sydney early on? No, I fuckin seriously. Well, I can't hang on. Look, I was born in 1999. And I was also born in New Zealand. And I didn't move here till 2006 which were the Commonwealth Games in Melbourne. I like thought she'd bit of information actually. Yeah, I'll take it in fact, but 2000s with a Sydney Olympics.
It was in 2000. Well, john grey, well done. Yeah, that's very impressive. I would have also accepted you to Google that. Yeah, that was a sense. Okay. The other day I sent this voice memo. to a friend's group chat, and this is the kind of thing that you could expect from me. I said, Guys, what song is this? dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah dah. And that's all the information that I had. How could you help me if I sent you a voice memo locked out at one I am?
Well, I mean it you'd probably it would probably be a 12 hour
I mean, is it I mean, that what I went to Australia, another one bites the dust now, it's not that okay, well, I don't think my music knowledge is very good, but and I don't know if it works when you sing into it, but a few of the ones have the soft Sam
doesn't work, feeling into it. Okay, you're really not doing as well as I thought and to be honest, you're Backing up a lot of my jokes because I feel like you would be doing. I had all these jokes Oh glass, like when you did a good job, you're like, Oh my god, yeah, he got that. And this funny thing happened. He's an anecdote, but you fucking all my jokes. That was actually a duel, a pub song, some new song, really that I'd heard on the airwaves. And I only knew it from that little bit and I had to sing that into iPhone. So that's not going to make you a good personal assistant. If I can't send you a voice memo with a weird, obscure song, then what could you?
Yeah, I just said
that I'm not paying for anything. So I should be doing better.
This, this there's a subreddit called tip of my tongue. And it's where people go, if they've got a request like that, and they've got that I got. It's like, I'm trying to think of this TV show. That was in the 1990s that started with this theme song. And you can record yourself singing it and upload it to Reddit, and you'll have people reply by saying what they think it is. It's a great subreddit like I was watching Hamilton, the musical plus the other day. And this song with the The king was seeing. I was like that I love musicals, but I haven't seen it. You should. You should watch it like this is this isn't an eight out of 10 nine out of 10 This is the best musical so it's amazing. It's it's, it's perfect.
Yeah, but it's like it's like I was just like a man. I know one of these songs like um, and it was it sounded very similar to daydream believer.
Oh, by the Monkees.
Yeah, yeah, it sounded identical the start of it. I'm like, I this has to be the same song.
But it wasn't.
It wasn't not it's it's an original. Was I school? Is that what I call? Yeah, it's original school written by the composer in the
We are we are going to wrap up where I'm at with you at the moment. Mason, can I call you my son? Just kidding. Is that I've come to you with a lot of problems, that and questions that you haven't been able to answer, but you've given me a really good solution. Like the email archiving and the subreddit, and you're quite good at googling earlier you Google typing Carmen what that was, and I feel
it was a tote it was the tides interest, the
current cane toads. Yeah.
I think this is gonna go well, especially. I was like, fuck me in the office. This is not gonna be good, but then
you've really turned it around. Right?
Would you like to come back next week.
I'd love to come back because
you've got the job. Winner sound effect.
But just as a disclaimer, you'll never ever ever get to talk as much as you have today ever again. Do you think that people listening to this and thinking I'm actually an evil witch, that I'm actually like a slave driver or something that I'm gonna be like, whipping you with like an extension cord or something like that? It's like, yeah, yeah, like, Where's my best? Cuz I'm not gonna do that. I promise. I promise
to promise. Okay. I think I think I can I can do all these all those things. I can. I can come back with the cookie, the cookie. That's
not that last week, the cookie and the coffee order. You just remember, that's, that's very I'm very impressed. I'm gonna pass on my praises of you to the podcast collaborators. Okay, cry. Oh, okay. We're gonna have to talk. Well, thank you so much for listening. This has been Episode Three of one tree Tiny. You can find me on Instagram at one trick tiny show on my personal Instagram at Tony Lodge. And if you're listening, which you are because you literally fucking listening to my voice right now, if you're listening, you should do a little screenshot and share it to your Instagram and then I'll share it inside a little thank you and just like send you a 60 message back or something. But I'll talk to you next week. Love you